(My 1st day back at work picture. Teacher meeting day.)
Well as the title states we got the news of the CT scan back. I wish it was like a Hallmark movie where you get a scan and suddenly you have the whole picture whether good or bad. Then you magically had the solution, and BOOM just like that you are healing and all is well. However, life is NOT a Hallmark movie.
My scan had good and bad.
The good? Pharyngeal mucosa (nasopharynx, oropharynx, and hypopharynx) are all normal. The oral cavity including my tongue and the floor of my mouth are all normal. My larynx (supraglottic, glottic, and subglottic) are all normal. Salivary glands all normal, vessels and carotid spaces normal. Bones normal as well as visualized lung apices are clear and normal. I should be jumping for joy, yes?
But I’m not. I wanted to have it all besides the one cancerous lymph node on the right side be ALL CLEAR. Yet on the left side of my neck they found 3 enlarged lymph nodes. They range in size (1.4 x 1.3, 1.2 x 1.0, and 1.9 x 1.1) and they are all in various levels of the neck. The result stated “multiple rounded mildly enlarged cervical lymph nodes”.
Excuse my language but what the H#**?
I received this news on the Kaiser app and proceeded to wait one week before emailing the surgeon. I will say this, he responds right away! The next day I got a response that he is waiting to confer with my Endocrinologist who is my cancer dr. He wrote that he ‘is concerned that we haven’t sampled the left sided lymph nodes as of yet.’ I responded back that I agree we need more information. Remember? No Hallmark movie here. Looks like once they confer I will be heading back to biopsy for more information.
Now I am not a normal person. In fact I am proud to be weird! But I wish I were a bit more normal when it comes to my health. Why? Because this means once they talk we schedule a biopsy a few weeks away. In the 5 days prior, I have to NOT take my blood thinners & give myself 2 heparin injections am & pm, and hope that my blood thinness level is ok on the day of the biopsy. After the biopsy I continue the shots as I wean back onto my pills.
Sigh…. It is all so complicated and in fact quite painful. It is overwhelming. On my 1st day back at work a teacher passed me and said “Wow! You look like summer!” I smiled, walked to my room, and collapsed into my husband’s arms. Missed the 1st meeting as I was sobbing uncontrollably. I never thought it would be this hard to get my class ready knowing that I may or may not return. No clue as to the outcome of having cancer again.
Yet I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and completed my new classroom. I am ready for the 1st day of school on Monday. That Wednesday night last week my husband even made me gluten free waffles with berries on top & whip cream! School colors are maroon and gold and we are the broncos so I bought curtains. Perfect as it represents Harry Potter too, haha! As you can see a TON of work, & my own money, went into prepping this amazing Speech and Game Club room! A shower curtain covers built in falling apart shelves. My husband is always there when I need help. I plan to start next week happy and do my best to be 100+% present for my students. What will come next and when is out of my control. I can only hope for the best and in my off time watch more happy ending movies.. or may even Zombie movies!
All I can say is I will never give up striving for my own happy ending.
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