I was always tough. I could handle anything. In my life I have almost died multiple times and always bounced back. I supported, and still support my parents, I worked multiple jobs and did it all as a single woman. I never let my emotions get in the way. I would tamper them down and keep on chugging. Life was NOT going to stop me.
When I was in my early 30s I was not only working 3 jobs yet I was also very active. I exercised 7-10 hours a week- bowling, weight lifting, walking, and water aerobics. I was happy and while I was still considered obese medically I was fit. Then my first life as I called it ended.
In 2003 I had a car crash where a semi turned in front of me and I could not stop. My laser red Mustang against a semi-truck. My car was totaled and the police said that if I had hit the truck a foot to the left I would have slid under the bed of the truck. My engine was pushed into the cab of my car and my left leg was squished somewhat. However, other than bumps and bruises and a neck mark from the seatbelt I was ok! I was back to work in a week and back to my busy life.
Yet less than a year later in 2004 I lost another life. I developed a deep-vein thrombosis to mid-thigh in my left leg and a saddlehorn pulmonary embolis. I did water aerobics for 2 hours the night before I ended up in the ICU. Yet while I was side-tracked for 10 days in the hospital and 4 months after, I kept chugging. I even taught myself knitting as I recuperated.
In 2011 I felt at my best as I had lost over 100 pounds and completed a ½ marathon in 3 hours 42 minutes and 49 seconds. I was still working multiple jobs helping to support my parents and I. I felt AMAZING. I even started acting in local theatres from San Jose to Gilroy. Yet in December 2012 as I was rehearsing for a play and training for my second ½ marathon I was again sidetracked.
This time I learned I had gallstones which are common in women losing over 100 pounds. Who knew? Not me! Of course life was not done throwing me curveballs and during surgery they realized they could not intubate me. I was out and not breathing for precious time as they had to use a flexible tube to intubate me. I call this another life lost event. Yet while stretching my neck back they saw a lump in my throat. This led to my diagnosis of Thyroid Cancer.
From January 2013, through my remission in Spring 2014, I continued to charge. Before and after surgery I continued walking and became active in Relay For Life events. I even created a team at my main school. I was not going to be stopped! I often walked 15-20K steps a day.
Then in 2020 I got COVID before it was even a thing. This led to fibromyalgia and weight gain of all I had lost. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I tried medication for the severe ongoing pain yet it led to weight gain of over 60 lbs. I stopped it against medical advice. I kept charging with my husband and family’s help. I thought my life could not get worse. I was WRONG.
This summer 2025 as I have shared I am facing a recurrence of cancer after 12 years. I am still baffled by the fact you can have thyroid cancer while having NO THYROID. Now I am struggling. I have ongoing pain from the constant flares, I am depressed and anxious, I cry at the drop of a hat, and I am tired. A bone deep fatigue that sleep does not abate. I am barely functioning. This, THIS cancer, is blocking my road and I must find a way to break through.
Silver Lining? While good, and bad, I have two months until surgery. My cancer surgery will be 12/3/2025. So for now I am making a promise to myself to NOT give in completely. To rest when needed, yet keep eating healthy, do my job the best as I know I can, and even add in some stretching to my daily life.
To you all? Please take this as a reminder that feelings add up. They can stop you in your tracks. Do NOT deny them. Acknowledge them and take care of yourselves. Yet there is a light at the end that if we keep working towards, we can reach.
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