Waiting…. Waiting….. And more waiting…. There is very little in the world that is worse than waiting for more bad news. Waiting for answers to how your future is going to map itself out. I go between despair and uncontrollable crying to manic happiness over what I still have and trying to fit in as much as I can before surgery.
I work for a local public school system and it is crazy planning out for the next year when I do not even know when I will be out yet. How long will I be out? Can I get into the school to finish my new class setup before surgery? Planning must be done. So my calendar is prepped with what knowledge I have now. I am working on organizing therapy stuff on my computer a bit every day.
But remember, it is also SUMMER BREAK! So what am I doing?
1- I am resting and taking lots of naps as my body is exhausted from the stress. I have to say I love waking to the sounds of nature outside our bedroom window when I wake up late in the morning or after an afternoon nap. Having my kitty Jake on top of me is so special. He is a wonderful companion!
2- I am keeping up with the gentle purple color wash on my hair. NO GREY for me yet! I cut it short for summer and in preparation for surgery. I am doing my nails for fun and getting fresh air outside.
3- I am watching tons of Netflix and Prime Video shows. Catching up on old series, watching new series and even rewatching Jurassic Park movies and Star Wars Saga! Staying up so very late is a huge thrill!
4- I am playing on my new Nintendo Switch and having fun yelling at the TV, haha! I am more of a board gamer so learning how to fight on the switch is a bit challenging.
5- I am reading when I can and putting free books on my Kindle for later when I will need to recuperate. I am blogging here and letting my thoughts flow out.
6- We are visiting new Gluten Free bakeries around us, most at least an hour away. We even found GF DONUTS!! Yummy!
So in a nutshell, yes waiting is hard. However, I am doing my best to keep busy and not simply dwell on the bad thoughts for myself and for my family. To find the Silver Linings every day.
Yet the thoughts are there, lurking in the back of my mind waiting to crush me again. Reminding me I do need to prepare for the ‘what ifs’. Only by making a concerted effort to choose to be happy every day can I keep them at bay.
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